If you're easily offended stop reading now.
This is as far as you want to go.
For those of you still reading, you may or may not agree with everything I have to say here, but guess what that's why I'm writing it and not you.
Check back daily and I may or may not have updated, depending on how drunk or pissed I may be at any one time.
If you're reading this because you're looking for some political or social commentary on what it means to be living in the time of the death of the American Dream, somehow you have been misguided. I'm just gonna tell you about what pisses me off in-between jerk-off sessions, drinking and naps. Sorry.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

E.S.P.N. Did I fuck your Mom?

There are alot of things that annoy and irritate me on a daily basis. Somebody cutting me off on the highway, finding out that limp bizkit is re-uniting for a summer tour. There's always just something pissing me off from time to time, but nothing can come close to the day to day annoyance and blood boiling anger I get when I watch ESPfuckingN. I mean what in the hell did we do to deserve the never ending torture from you? Did we fingerblast your sister when you brought her up freshman year and you were passed out on the couch downstairs. We're sorry. We have learned from our mistakes and grown from them, can you please forgive us and move on, and go back to the good times. When Keith Olberman had that awesome stache, and nobody had any clue who Stuart fucking Scott was.

When I was a kid, there was no greater sound than the dun-a-duh, dun-a-duh sound right before the start of sportscenter and knowing I was going to get to see the highlights from all the days sports action brought to me by Keith Olberman and Dan Patrick, fuck yeah. Since at the time most sports weren't televised and covered as well as they are now, this was pretty much the only outlet to get your total sports coverage. From the top 10 plays, to the rundown of all the latest major trades and free-agent signings. They had everything you wanted to know about every major sport, they reported it and that was it. They didn't go as in-depth as they do now because they only had one sportscenter a night. Give me the news then go to a live sportscast. Not 15 hours of Poker a night with Phil Helmuth taunting me to annihilate my T.V. with my 9 iron. God I hate that fucking guy.

Now there's 75 fucking ESPN channels. They have an entire ESPNews channel and still run Sportscenter 50 fucking times every morning. Why would I change the channel from ESPNews in the morning to Sportscenter. So I can see John Clayton's stupid bubble head repeating what he just told me 2 minutes ago on another channel. I get it, not everybody has ESPNews, but that still doesn't mean you need to run Sportscenter over and over again. Replay whatever you telecast last night in the morning at least it's sports, and not Mark Schlereth and Jesse Palmer jerking each other off in a roundtable discussion about fucking nothing I give a shit about.

The thing that pisses me off the most though, is the way they shove the Red Sox, Yankees, Mets, Patriots, and any other team within 300 miles of Bristol down my fucking throat. It wouldn't be so bad if these teams didn't have the worst fucking moron fans on the face of the earth. There is nothing worse than listening to a fucking Yankee fan drone on about how everybody hates their team and they fucking love it because, "Everybody's gonna be kissing our ass when we win the series". If that does happen I'm moving to fucking Canada.

I know there are people out there who eat, sleep, and drink sports but even those guys are sick of you're shit. I can't even root for a team anymore without hating half of the roster because you morons won't stop talking about their arrest a year ago for drunk in public or D.U.I, or whatever stupid shit the guy has done. Guess what, I don't care what these fucking morons do when they are not playing sports. Pete Rose is a degenarate gambler, do I give a shit, hell no. He's one of the greatest baseball players ever and he was fun to watch. Do I want to be like him, NO. I want to watch him play fucking baseball and that's it. I don't mean that what these guys are doing off the field doesn't impact teams or isn't news, it is, nor am I saying it's o.k. All I'm saying is report it like it's news and move on, don't cut to Skip Bayless(getting his own post because I don't have enough time to get into this idiot right now) and Stephen A. Smith arguing over what this means to the sports world that some super rich athlete went out, got drunk, and did something stupid. If these guys are getting out of hand and acting irresponsibly they are going to get suspended and fined and possibly kicked out of their respective league, and there is also a legal system that deals with them. I don't want it analyzed for 36 hours straight on Sportscenter that Plaxico Burress is the dumbest man alive and shot his own dumbass in the leg. T.O. is a shitty teammate I FUCKING GET IT.

This is all I can muster to type right now. Next Post we will cover why my blood pressure goes up every Football Sunday during NFL Countdown, and what I think of Stuart Scott, Stephen A. Smith, Chris Berman, and Skip Bayless. If I don't destroy my computer typing it.