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Check back daily and I may or may not have updated, depending on how drunk or pissed I may be at any one time.
If you're reading this because you're looking for some political or social commentary on what it means to be living in the time of the death of the American Dream, somehow you have been misguided. I'm just gonna tell you about what pisses me off in-between jerk-off sessions, drinking and naps. Sorry.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Fuck Brian Hartline. Seriously, I'm gonna kick his ass.

A couple of years ago, I think 2006. I had a little run-in with a certain Ohio State football player, and since then I have sworn to all my friends that if I ever see him again I will whoop his ass.

Let me catch you up on what has happened with me and this guy so far. One night after an OSU football game, I was driving through campus on my way back home with my roomate's girlfriend we'll call her Jen. We are in her car and I'm driving. We come to a stop light at the south end of campus right in front of a place called the gateway, which is a pretty busy intersection and there are a bunch of bars there and cops pretty much all over. I feel a little bump on the rear end from the car behind us, it wasn't that hard and I had been drinking and cops were right there so I pulled off through the light, we then come to another red light and again another bump on the rear end. This time I get out. Here's what happened next.

Bear: Hey man, what are you doing. you just rear ended us twice in a row.
Target of my Hatred: Just do yourself a favor and get back in the car.
Really Angry Bear: What did you just say.
Brian Hartline: You need to do yourself a favor and just get back in the car, you don't know who I am, you should just get in the car and drive away.
Super Angry Bear: Oh, fuck no. Get out of your motherfucking car right now asshole; I should add here that there are at least 200 people around, his car is parked right on our bumper and there is a car behind him. So he's pretty much stuck.
Brian Hartline: I ain't getting out of the car fuck off.
Bear:(trying to open his door) get out of the fucking car; I realize he's not getting out of the car and Jen is standing in front of his car on the driver's side. I go to the back of his car and take a picture of his license plate with my camera phone in case he drives off. I at this point have no idea who this idiot is. I then go over to the passenger side of the car and reach in through the window and try to pull him out of the car. I can't undo his seatbelt and pull him out so I grab his phone charger and yank it out of the plug and start whipping him with it in the face and arms. I'm hanging in the window half in half out and then he slams the car in reverse and starts to pull forward and bumps Jen with his car, I continue to whip him with the phone charger and try to get him out of the car while he backs up and pulls forward again getting Jen out of the way and taking off and throwing me out of the car and then he peels out and turns right going the wrong way down a one way street.

The cops are heading over to the scene of all this now after he squeals out of there and I yell out asking if anyone just witnessed what happened. Two guys come over besides all the cops and I'm showing them the license plate and they happen to work at the Buckeye's practice facility and they tell me who the car belongs to. When the cops hear all this half of them just leave and the ones that are left are busy talking Jen out of pressing charges against him for hit and run. Even though I was driving it's her car and her decision. The football team was Number 1 in the country at the time and the cops are doing everything they can to protect one of the starting wide receivers by convincing Jen the worst idea on Earth right now is her pressing charges, they even go so far as to say when this gets out her name is gonna be all over the news and there might be possible backlash from the community against her for getting one of the star football players arrested and possibly ruining the season. Unfucking real, but it's working on her. I just want to find this dude and kick the ever living shit out of him.

After we leave and finish talking to the cops, they tell her they have the report and she has 3 days to file charges, which she never does. I meanwhile am busy trying to find anyway possible to contact somebody on the football team or somehow get ahold of this cocksucker and kick his fucking ass. Obviously that never happened.

Hartline recently got drafted by the Miami Dolphins and they are obviously my new favorite team. So I don't know if he's still in Columbus or not, but since I have this blog now I'm asking you the readers to do me a favor and send this to everyone you know, anybody I don't care, in the hopes that somehow it comes across Mr. Hartline's computer screen that I'm issuing him a challenge. Anytime, Anywhere you piece of fucking shit. I will meet you and gladly give you the asswhooping of a lifetime you miserable fuck. Just let me know and I'm there. I'll even do it wearing a fucking dress, any conditions you have I don't care, I just want one meeting and that's all I need.