If you're easily offended stop reading now.
This is as far as you want to go.
For those of you still reading, you may or may not agree with everything I have to say here, but guess what that's why I'm writing it and not you.
Check back daily and I may or may not have updated, depending on how drunk or pissed I may be at any one time.
If you're reading this because you're looking for some political or social commentary on what it means to be living in the time of the death of the American Dream, somehow you have been misguided. I'm just gonna tell you about what pisses me off in-between jerk-off sessions, drinking and naps. Sorry.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Yay Bus Ride

So I rode the bus for the first time today, not on my way to a football game to get tanked. I guess I should preface this with why I'm on the bus in the first place. Last night I was having some cocktails and went to the restroom to relieve myself and decided to place a few phone calls while doing so, great fucking idea I know. While in the course of this I bump my elbow on some stupid shelf on the wall and knock the phone out of my hand and it lands strait in the toilet as I'm flushing it. So I hurry up and grab the phone as it's getting sucked into the abyss of the local sewage system. I tried turning it back on a couple times but it would only flash on for a second and then turn right off, so I take the battery out cause I've gotten plenty of phones wet and I know to separate the two and let it dry out. I notice that the battery's indicator is showing it's fucked, but the phone is fine. So I decide to go to the phone store in the morning and get a new battery.

I wake up and look up the nearest phone store on the internets, and take off on my bike to get the battery. I get to the store and the dipshit working there informs me that they don't sell batteries just the phones. I tell him that those phones come with batteries and just take one out of the fucking box and put it in my phone and see if it fucking works. He says he can't open a box because they're sealed and that voids the warranty. I leave and get directions to a battery store before I get any more pissed here and start breaking shit.

It's quite a hike and I don't feel like biking it cause I'm hungover and I hop on the bus. When I get on I take one of the two remaining seats left, thank god it was in the front and not downwind from the somalian guy in the back who had the worst b.o. and was telling somebody a story about how's he's found out where to shower for free and now he takes like two showers a week. Obviously he's lying. We make a stop in the middle of campus and this fairly attractive blonde gets on and sits next to me. I'm sweating profusely after the bike ride and getting my blood pressure up at the phone store. She immediately takes notice and asks why I'm soaking with sweat. I think of lying but then I just tell her I was riding my bike before I got on the bus and it's hot and I sweat alot. This not being enough to satisfy her curiosity she asks me why am I on the bus now and where's my bike since there weren't any on the bike rack on the front of the bus(I had ridden over to a friends and left it with him after I left the phone store). So I decide to tell her the whole story. Where I'm going, why my phone is fucked, why I can't drive, how my friend fell in a fish pond at a bar, wandered around the bar parking lot in just a flip flop and his boxers soaking wet. Got a DUI. She turns and looks me strait in the face and says "Why I can't imagine why some girl hasn't just snatched you right up already". I now love riding the bus.