Fuck Brian Hartline. Seriously, I'm gonna kick his ass.

A couple of years ago, I think 2006. I had a little run-in with a certain Ohio State football player, and since then I have sworn to all my friends that if I ever see him again I will whoop his ass.

Let me catch you up on what has happened with me and this guy so far. One night after an OSU football game, I was driving through campus on my way back home with my roomate's girlfriend we'll call her Jen. We are in her car and I'm driving. We come to a stop light at the south end of campus right in front of a place called the gateway, which is a pretty busy intersection and there are a bunch of bars there and cops pretty much all over. I feel a little bump on the rear end from the car behind us, it wasn't that hard and I had been drinking and cops were right there so I pulled off through the light, we then come to another red light and again another bump on the rear end. This time I get out. Here's what happened next.

Bear: Hey man, what are you doing. you just rear ended us twice in a row.
Target of my Hatred: Just do yourself a favor and get back in the car.
Really Angry Bear: What did you just say.
Brian Hartline: You need to do yourself a favor and just get back in the car, you don't know who I am, you should just get in the car and drive away.
Super Angry Bear: Oh, fuck no. Get out of your motherfucking car right now asshole; I should add here that there are at least 200 people around, his car is parked right on our bumper and there is a car behind him. So he's pretty much stuck.
Brian Hartline: I ain't getting out of the car fuck off.
Bear:(trying to open his door) get out of the fucking car; I realize he's not getting out of the car and Jen is standing in front of his car on the driver's side. I go to the back of his car and take a picture of his license plate with my camera phone in case he drives off. I at this point have no idea who this idiot is. I then go over to the passenger side of the car and reach in through the window and try to pull him out of the car. I can't undo his seatbelt and pull him out so I grab his phone charger and yank it out of the plug and start whipping him with it in the face and arms. I'm hanging in the window half in half out and then he slams the car in reverse and starts to pull forward and bumps Jen with his car, I continue to whip him with the phone charger and try to get him out of the car while he backs up and pulls forward again getting Jen out of the way and taking off and throwing me out of the car and then he peels out and turns right going the wrong way down a one way street.

The cops are heading over to the scene of all this now after he squeals out of there and I yell out asking if anyone just witnessed what happened. Two guys come over besides all the cops and I'm showing them the license plate and they happen to work at the Buckeye's practice facility and they tell me who the car belongs to. When the cops hear all this half of them just leave and the ones that are left are busy talking Jen out of pressing charges against him for hit and run. Even though I was driving it's her car and her decision. The football team was Number 1 in the country at the time and the cops are doing everything they can to protect one of the starting wide receivers by convincing Jen the worst idea on Earth right now is her pressing charges, they even go so far as to say when this gets out her name is gonna be all over the news and there might be possible backlash from the community against her for getting one of the star football players arrested and possibly ruining the season. Unfucking real, but it's working on her. I just want to find this dude and kick the ever living shit out of him.

After we leave and finish talking to the cops, they tell her they have the report and she has 3 days to file charges, which she never does. I meanwhile am busy trying to find anyway possible to contact somebody on the football team or somehow get ahold of this cocksucker and kick his fucking ass. Obviously that never happened.

Hartline recently got drafted by the Miami Dolphins and they are obviously my new favorite team. So I don't know if he's still in Columbus or not, but since I have this blog now I'm asking you the readers to do me a favor and send this to everyone you know, anybody I don't care, in the hopes that somehow it comes across Mr. Hartline's computer screen that I'm issuing him a challenge. Anytime, Anywhere you piece of fucking shit. I will meet you and gladly give you the asswhooping of a lifetime you miserable fuck. Just let me know and I'm there. I'll even do it wearing a fucking dress, any conditions you have I don't care, I just want one meeting and that's all I need.

Fuck VH1

This channel is getting worse than MTV. At first the shit they put on there was kind of laughable in it's ridiculousness i.e. Flavor of Love. Now they don't seem to show any signs of doing anything but giving rejects from all their shitty shows their own shows i.e. New York goes to work, and Daisy of Love. These diseased cunts are the worst things on T.V. right now.
Is there a way that I can just tell the Cable company what channels I want and just pay for those and get rid of all the other shit before I kill somebody, FUCK.

This Week's Top 10

10. Mike Brown-You have the best player in basketball on your team and you can't find a way to beat the Magic. I was a supporter of this guy but obviously I was wrong. I'm pretty sure I could get high on crack and do a better job than this guy.
9. The dick who put the little metal fence along the edge of the patio at Will's Tavern in Chicago. I tumbled over said fence and my foot caught in it and I fell into a bush. What are you protecting with that fence fuckhead, the mulch. Take it down.
8. Deodarant- I've gone through about 6 different kinds of deodarant in the last couple months and none of them are working. I don't stink but as soon as I put it on in the morning I start pitting like it's my job. My ph is all fucked up I guess. Do not buy Right Guard with the power stripe unless you have thick skin, that shit ate the skin off my armpits, horrible.
7. My Beard-I'm getting lots of jokes at the expense of my beard, and it's getting old.
6.Paul Schaffer- A friendof mine recently reminded me how big a fucking douche this guy is, enjoy the video.
5. John Mayer- I've hated this guy's music for quite awhile but it seems like he's in the news more and more lately and I don't even know what for. He make's music for soccer mom's to jam out too on the way to their stupid fucking kids games. Fuck John Mayer.
4. The girl who made out with my friend the Jew saturday at Will's took him home and would only give him an H.J. Who the fuck still gives Handy's you cunt, we're not in high school anymore and any guy over the age of 10 is better at doing it to himself than you.
3. Saddlebag's Wilson- This dick of a friend of mine decided that me tumbling into the bush at the Will's saturday wasn't embarrasing enough for me so he decided to yank out a couple of my roomate's armpit hairs and drop them in my beer when I wasn't looking. Thanks goober. You're gonna get yours next time I'm in Chicago.
2. Karma-constantly biting me in the ass. Fuck Karma.
1. Obviously this guy is not being dethrowned anytime soon. This year for Christmas I'm asking Santa for my favorite lead singer to catch the HIV.

Stupid American of the Week James Harrison

That title might offend some people but I'm making an exception for this fucking guy. I mean who goes on T.V. and makes a statement like that. No shit if Arizona won the Super Bowl the President would have invited them, that's why you get invited to the White House, because you win. If he invited every team in every league that's all he would do everyday is meet with athletes, I know politicians don't do much as it is but that would just be excessive. James Harrison is a fucking moron, and his son getting attacked by the family pit bull is just karma if you ask me.

This Week's Top 10 Shit I Hate.

10. Marilyn Manson-Why do all the good musicians die of drug overdoses.
9. This Show-Seriously, this actually has made it onto T.V. God I fucking hate the E channel.
8. American Idol-Thank god this shit is over, somebody told me it was the lowest rated of the finales. The only reason I give a shit about this information is that hopefully this means they won't put this shit back on T.V. again.
7. Carlos Mencia-So on top of being the least funniest person with their own comedy show, he also has a twitter account. You know that he's about as mexican as The Pope right.
6. Queen Latifah-She was on American Idol this week, combining my two favorite things, fat black lesbians I can't stand and music that makes me wish I was deaf.
5. My Fucking Hair-Still in the middle of the pack but I have a feeling it's taking a turn for the better very soon. Actually, I don't. I just need some glimmer of hope right now so that's what I'm going with.
4. Whiskey-I've stayed away from it for 3 weeks now and my hangovers are extremely grateful and so is my liver. I just hope I don't get sloppy drunk this weekend and accidentally "hook up" with it.
3. Humidity-This will surprise nobody that knows me, but I'm a bit of a sweater and it's getting close to the time of year when it's getting humid out and that makes it 1,000 times more likely that I need two shirts wherever I go.
2. This Guy-If you see this guy, kick his ass. Or buy him a shot of Jack Daniels either one will do.
1. Fred Durst-Some people don't understand why I hate this guy so much, those people also have lives and contribute to society. So whose the real idiot in this scenario.

My Future Wife?

I know that this blog is supposed to be all about shit I hate, but it's my blog so I'll do with it what I see fit. And right now I'm gracing it with an image of what can only be described as the woman who has ruined my last pair of clean undies.

Her name is Anna Rawson and she's from Australia and is a Professional Golfer. I once dated a girl from Australia while I was in the Navy, she was fairly attractive maybe a 7 but with the accent she was a 10. I don't know what it is about women from Australia's accents that does it for me, but whatever; I'm in love with this woman. If anyone has any way of arranging a way for Anna here to give me a private lesson shoot me an e-mail, I'll be patiently waiting by the computer waiting for the e-mails to start flooding in. Otherwise I'm going to be forced to follow her around the LPGA tour and violate several states stalking laws.

E.S.P.N. Did I Fuck Your Mom? Part 2

In the last post I covered the basic reason I have come to loathe the Worlwide Leader on a daily basis. In this part we will cover the people on the channel that need to go, and some of the shows that we could do without.

First off, everybody on Sunday NFL countdown except for Ron Jaworski needs to go. Berman stopped being funny a week after he started and now is more of a annoyance than anything else. He needs to be "rumblin, bumblin, stumblin, whoop, whooping," to the fucking unemployment line. Get rid of this fat fuck. The rest of the panel can barely speak English, and if I have to listen to Keyshawn Johnson relate everything that is going on in Football now with what was going on in his career my head is gonna explode, he was once told by his team to just not even show up, just go home and sit on the couch and we'll pay you, we just don't want you anywhere near the field, we're good. Sounds like a guy I want on my broadcast team. Well I guess he did replace the guy who got caught with hookers and blow in his hotel room. At least Irvin was fun to laugh at though. The show is so long and drawn out, they publicly fellate the fucking Patriots every 5 minutes on there and it needs to go.

Around the horn is another show I could do without. There is a reason these people all became sportswriters at newspapers. They shouldn't be on fucking T.V. If you ask me sportswriters are some of the most sanctimonious pricks to ever walk the earth. I have a tendency to always think I'm right, mostly because I am, but I never think that my opinion on something is what everybody else's view should be. These fucking jerk-offs love having their opinions matter. They get to do the hall of fame voting, they get to vote on the college football standings, when .1% of them have played college football. Now you're gonna put a bunch of them on T.V. and inflate there egos more. I wish my opinion on things had as much influence as these morons, asian women would never drive again that's for sure. There is no reason that these guys should have any say so with anything to do with sports except to write about it. That's it. Letting these guys vote on the College Football standings every year is like giving a busload of Jerry's kids power tools and telling them to build a house, it's fucked. Morons.

Now let's get to my favorite part about the Worlwide Leader in Sports Stuart Scott and Skip Bayless. First of all Stuart Scott is the whitest black guy on the planet. I have jewish friends who are blacker than this guy(if you've seen my friend larry devour a plate of chicken wings you know). I could rub shoe polish on my face and announce the highlights with an urban dicitionary in front of me and do a better job than this guy. It wouldn't be such a problem if he would just face the fact that he is a white man in a black guy's body, but he can't. So he has to try really hard with all the "booyah's" and "takin it to the hizzy" I've never wished so many bad things on a person like I have when I watch this guy doing sportscenter. I'm pretty sure I've wished bad things onto his kids before too. Maybe a mild case of retardation, yes, no, over the line, maybe. I don't care fuck this guy.

My favorite person by far and away on this channel is Skip Bayless. First of all I have absolutely no idea how this guy qualifies to be on ESPN talking about sports. I know he has been a prize winning journalist and once accused Troy Aikman of being gay(where he gets off accusing anyone of being gay is beyond me, just watch this guy for five minutes, he is gayer than AIDS)
but to give this pile of filth his own forum where he can blather on for hours on live T.V. is just pathetic, I would spend more time ripping on this guy, but he doesn't deserve that much space on this blog.

He is the reason I can't stand ESPN now, it's all about opinions and drama and ratings. I just want to see highlights and scores, and interviews. How about broadcasting shit people want to watch. Not shit that is just gonna make them hate every athelete around. I have done plenty of fucked up shit in my life but it's not news because I'm not famous. These athletes are just like you and me, if somebody showed up at my door and told me they were gonna pay me millions of dollars to play sports, you can bet your ass I'm gonna end up on the news someday doing something I shouldn't have, people are gonna make mistakes, especially when you're young and have been given a shit ton of money to play a GAME. All these jackasses on ESPN now just sit around a table and spew on about how stupid these guys are and how they let their team down with their actions. This kind of shit has been going on for decades, Babe Ruth was a drunk womanizer, but to almost every person around he is arguably the greatest baseball player ever. If ESPN were around then he might not of even gotten into the hall of fame. ESPN is just a small picture of basically everything that is wrong with society, nobody wants to make an effort to put something intelligent out there, fuck no, that takes time and effort.

Last Week's Top 10

Sorry I'm a little late putting this up, I've been busy trying to find a cure for "Swine Flu" and by Swine Flu I mean my hangovers.

10. Tila Tequila-I checked and she is still alive and I am not too happy about this people.

9. Driving-I'm getting really sick of it lately and people on the roads are not helping me with this. Pretty soon I'm going to be carrying a box of nails in the car and randomly just throwing them out the window.

8. The Cold-I have one and it sucks my sleeve is covered in my own mucus and my throat is killing me. We really don't have a cure for this yet, fucking ridiculous.

7. My Golf Game-It has recently taken a nose dive and I really don't have anything to blame it on but myself and I'm not too happy about it. So I'm blaming it on Fred Durst.

6. Daisy of Love-It's bad enough they had a second season of Rock of Love, now they are taking one of the whores from the first show who didn't win and giving her a show. If you are feeling down about your life just watch 5 minutes of the douchebags on there trying to win a "date" with this diseased whore and you will feel like "the most interesting man in the world" from the dos equis commercial.

5. My Fucking Hair-I recently got a new haircut so I'm not as pissed as I have been in the last week's with it so it's hovering in the middle of the pack right now.

4. The Boston Celtics-I'm actually putting them up here because I'm glad their gone and I don't have to see Paul Pierce and his chin pubes on my T.V. anymore, thank god Orlando finally didn't blow a fourth quarter lead.

3. My Beard-Not much improvement here in the last week. I'm thinking maybe a can of spray on hair will fix this patch that won't grow on my face.

2. Cats-I was around some this weekend and I'm allergic to them and I'm convinced this is why I'm getting sick now. I have no actual medical proof to base this on I just have decided that I hate cats and they have now made me sick. Fuck cats. I kick them when people aren't looking.

1. Fred Durst-Limp Bizkit has just finished up their European reunion tour and now they are in the studio to record a new album.(leaves room and finds needle to puncture own eardrums)The only thing that could make me happier now is if Insane Clown Posse release an album at the same time.

I don't need to have a gun in the car ever.

Earlier today I was in the car with my roomate and he was driving. There was a van in front of us in the lane to our right, when all of a sudden they pull into our lane and slam on the brakes. They put on their turn signal but just sat there and didn't get into the turn lane. So their just at a complete stop right in front of us and my roomate doesn't notice until the last minute and has to swerve around them and almost clips their back end. After we pass them he flips them off and I figured they turned and got on the highway. But then I noticed them pulling up next to us. I lean out the window and start yelling at the guy.

Here is our conversation from what I can remember.
Stupid Middle Easterner(Go Figure)-Is there a problem.
Me-Yeah, you just stopped in the middle of the fucking lane and we almost ran right into you, fucking moron.
Stupid Fuck-It was not my fault.
Me-You are a shitty fucking driver and you almost caused an accident you moron.
Stupid Fuck-Have you ever been confused, It was not my fault.
Me-Oh it's not you're fault you're a shitty driver. Well my bad I'm sorry.(Roll's up window while moron is still talking)

My roomate was laughing so much at my conversation with the guy that I couldn't stay mad at this guy so I just rolled up the window while he was talking. Now if there had been a gun in the car this escalates into a legal problem I just don't need right now. I may not have used it, but I definately would have waved it in his face at least to try and make him shit his pants. I need counseling.

This weeks Top 10

10. Tila Tequila-why is this bitch even famous. She looks like a gremlin and somebody needs to kick this bitch in the cunt. Stat.
9. Glenn "Big Baby" Davis-He hits the game winning shot in last nights celtics-magic game meaning more Paul Pierce on my T.V. which is enough of a reason to hate him. But then he has to bowl over some kid in the stands after making the shot and then gives the worst post game interview. He could not have sounded more like a caveman. Fuck this dude.
8. Baseball-See the below post.
7. Minnesota Vikings-There are alot of people out there bitching about my beloved Brett Favre coming back and I blame this squarely on the Vikes. He isn't the one soliciting this, they are coming after him and my favorite sports channel of all time won't stop talking about it and pissing everyone off.
6. Tila Tequila-I really hate this bitch right now and I'm lazy so I'm putting her on here twice. Somebody please smack the shit out of her.
5. My Fucking Hair-It's fallen back to Number 5 this week from Number 2. It's looking a little better this week, and I've decided to try and grow a beard and it's not working out so well so I'm more pissed about that.
4. My Beard-I've always been lacadasical about the shaving and since I currently have no reason too, I've decided to grow a beard for the NHL playoffs even though my team is out, it's as good a reason anyway, but somehow my face is unable to grow hair in a one inch square on my face and it's really fucking this up for me.
3. Whiskey-I've loved you for so long but I've decided to take a little break from you. I mean you almost killed me last week, not to mention you're constantly getting me kicked out of bars and also to blame for all the recent falls that I've had. It's not you it's me. If we're meant to be together we will come back to each other, but for now it's over.
2. Fred Durst-Mister consistency. I can't wait for this talked about new Limp Bizkit album to come out.
1. I'm a Celebrity get me out of here- I saw a commercial for this show last night and there is not a single person on this show who is a celebrity. Heidi and Spencer, Janice Dickinson, Stephen Baldwin, these people are famous for being fucking pathetic. They are dropping these people in the jungle or some shit and have to live there for a month. They should call this "I'm a douchebag and somebody needs to hunt me down in this jungle and shoot me on live T.V. I'd fucking watch that.

Fuck Baseball

I've had it with professional baseball. I'm sick of hearing about the steroids, the congressional hearings, the hall of fame voting. I don't fucking give a flying fuck anymore. They don't have a salary cap and these guys are the most outrageusly overpaid of any of the major sports.

When I was younger I played baseball and watched a decent amount on T.V. But there is no way you could even pay me to sit through an entire game on T.V. now. How am I supposed to give a shit about a game in the middle of May when you play 162 games in a fucking season. It is completely pointless to watch a game unless it's September. Going to a game use to be a good time too, but now it costs so much fucking money I'm expecting a blow job for the 7th inning stretch with how much I'm shelling out for the ticket, beers, shitty food, and some of your teams shitty merchandise. Who wants to pay $200 for two people to go watch your team play say the Pittsburgh Pirates in June, in a game that don't mean shit against a team that I'm pretty sure me and 8 crackheads could beat.

Bud Selig is the biggest joke of a commisioner of any sport of any era I've ever seen. He lets the steroid use get completely get out of hand and then when Congress gets involved he acts completely aloof like he had no idea that it was that big of a problem. Look at the fucking players today compared to the ones 30 years ago you fucking moron. I mean I know there is more of an emphasis on conditioning and working out now more than there was then, but come on most of these guys look like they could be playing linebacker in the NFL.

If I played Major League Baseball 20 years ago I would be lobbying the Hall of Fame voters that no one who played past 1990 should be voted into the Hall. It's a fucking joke what these guys have done to the game. They've turned it into the WWE. Nobody has any respect for the players and no kid growing up gives a shit about Baseball. Look in the obituaries tomorrow. Those are all baseball fans dying and there being replace with Football fans. Mark my words in 15-20 years no one is gona give a shit about baseball and no one is gonna be going to the games. I can't wait for it.

If you're in your late 20's or early 30's and have a son are you thinking of taking him to see your favorite baseball team to a meaningless game in any part of the season and dropping 2 bills on it, or would you rather go see your favorite football team play in a game that is gonna mean something since they only play 16 of them, and pay the same amount. Wake the fuck up baseball you're becoming slowly irrelavant and you've turned yourself into such a soap opera joke that nobody has the patientce for it anymore, lower the ticket prices, shorten the season and add more teams to the playoffs. With small market teams not being able to pay for the free agents to field a decent team most of their fans are never gonna see their team play for a pennant in their lifetime.

So in conclusion I would like everyone to join me in boycotting baseball until they make some changes, I mean they don't have a problem going on strike and missing half a season, why can't we do the same to them. Fuck'em I've already wasted enough of my time on baseball just writing this.

I Hate Asian Golfers.

Look I'm no Tiger Woods and you're not gonna be seeing my jolly ass on the Tour anytime soon, but I don't completely suck at golf. I can shoot in the 70's on occasion, but if you suck and you know you suck, let me play through you fucking jackasses. There is absolutely no reason why me and my friends played the front 9 in an hour and 40 minutes and then took 3 hours to play the back 9 Saturday.

There is nothing worse than standing in the middle of the Fairway for 20 fucking minutes while Chen, Chong, Lee, and Chan, line up every 3 and 4 foot putt up on the green. With a temper like mine I can barely keep from hitting line drives right into the middle of their foursome and then they have to go and pull some shit like that. This is not a Tour event jackasses it's fucking Saturday afternoon on a public course. Don't make me run you over with my fucking cart.

So if you live in the Greater Columbus area and golf beware, I may be in the foursome behind you, and if you're not keeping pace you better let the people behind you play through. I have hit people on the course with my ball before and I'm guessing I will probably do it again.

I hate White Trash

If you were standing in line outside of the Newport in Columbus last night waiting to get inot the Twiztid concert. I was the one who drove through the muddy water puddles about 30 miles an hour and douched you all. Your welcome.

By the way I have no idea who Twiztid is but they must be some insane clown posse type band because I have never seen so much white trash dressed in face paint in my entire life. It was horribly pathetic, I almost wish the water I splashed on them was cyanide. That might have been over the line...Yeah I think it was. O.K. I wish it was poo. That better.