E.S.P.N. Did I Fuck Your Mom? Part 2

In the last post I covered the basic reason I have come to loathe the Worlwide Leader on a daily basis. In this part we will cover the people on the channel that need to go, and some of the shows that we could do without.

First off, everybody on Sunday NFL countdown except for Ron Jaworski needs to go. Berman stopped being funny a week after he started and now is more of a annoyance than anything else. He needs to be "rumblin, bumblin, stumblin, whoop, whooping," to the fucking unemployment line. Get rid of this fat fuck. The rest of the panel can barely speak English, and if I have to listen to Keyshawn Johnson relate everything that is going on in Football now with what was going on in his career my head is gonna explode, he was once told by his team to just not even show up, just go home and sit on the couch and we'll pay you, we just don't want you anywhere near the field, we're good. Sounds like a guy I want on my broadcast team. Well I guess he did replace the guy who got caught with hookers and blow in his hotel room. At least Irvin was fun to laugh at though. The show is so long and drawn out, they publicly fellate the fucking Patriots every 5 minutes on there and it needs to go.

Around the horn is another show I could do without. There is a reason these people all became sportswriters at newspapers. They shouldn't be on fucking T.V. If you ask me sportswriters are some of the most sanctimonious pricks to ever walk the earth. I have a tendency to always think I'm right, mostly because I am, but I never think that my opinion on something is what everybody else's view should be. These fucking jerk-offs love having their opinions matter. They get to do the hall of fame voting, they get to vote on the college football standings, when .1% of them have played college football. Now you're gonna put a bunch of them on T.V. and inflate there egos more. I wish my opinion on things had as much influence as these morons, asian women would never drive again that's for sure. There is no reason that these guys should have any say so with anything to do with sports except to write about it. That's it. Letting these guys vote on the College Football standings every year is like giving a busload of Jerry's kids power tools and telling them to build a house, it's fucked. Morons.

Now let's get to my favorite part about the Worlwide Leader in Sports Stuart Scott and Skip Bayless. First of all Stuart Scott is the whitest black guy on the planet. I have jewish friends who are blacker than this guy(if you've seen my friend larry devour a plate of chicken wings you know). I could rub shoe polish on my face and announce the highlights with an urban dicitionary in front of me and do a better job than this guy. It wouldn't be such a problem if he would just face the fact that he is a white man in a black guy's body, but he can't. So he has to try really hard with all the "booyah's" and "takin it to the hizzy" I've never wished so many bad things on a person like I have when I watch this guy doing sportscenter. I'm pretty sure I've wished bad things onto his kids before too. Maybe a mild case of retardation, yes, no, over the line, maybe. I don't care fuck this guy.

My favorite person by far and away on this channel is Skip Bayless. First of all I have absolutely no idea how this guy qualifies to be on ESPN talking about sports. I know he has been a prize winning journalist and once accused Troy Aikman of being gay(where he gets off accusing anyone of being gay is beyond me, just watch this guy for five minutes, he is gayer than AIDS)
but to give this pile of filth his own forum where he can blather on for hours on live T.V. is just pathetic, I would spend more time ripping on this guy, but he doesn't deserve that much space on this blog.

He is the reason I can't stand ESPN now, it's all about opinions and drama and ratings. I just want to see highlights and scores, and interviews. How about broadcasting shit people want to watch. Not shit that is just gonna make them hate every athelete around. I have done plenty of fucked up shit in my life but it's not news because I'm not famous. These athletes are just like you and me, if somebody showed up at my door and told me they were gonna pay me millions of dollars to play sports, you can bet your ass I'm gonna end up on the news someday doing something I shouldn't have, people are gonna make mistakes, especially when you're young and have been given a shit ton of money to play a GAME. All these jackasses on ESPN now just sit around a table and spew on about how stupid these guys are and how they let their team down with their actions. This kind of shit has been going on for decades, Babe Ruth was a drunk womanizer, but to almost every person around he is arguably the greatest baseball player ever. If ESPN were around then he might not of even gotten into the hall of fame. ESPN is just a small picture of basically everything that is wrong with society, nobody wants to make an effort to put something intelligent out there, fuck no, that takes time and effort.

E.S.P.N. Did I fuck your Mom?

There are alot of things that annoy and irritate me on a daily basis. Somebody cutting me off on the highway, finding out that limp bizkit is re-uniting for a summer tour. There's always just something pissing me off from time to time, but nothing can come close to the day to day annoyance and blood boiling anger I get when I watch ESPfuckingN. I mean what in the hell did we do to deserve the never ending torture from you? Did we fingerblast your sister when you brought her up freshman year and you were passed out on the couch downstairs. We're sorry. We have learned from our mistakes and grown from them, can you please forgive us and move on, and go back to the good times. When Keith Olberman had that awesome stache, and nobody had any clue who Stuart fucking Scott was.



When I was a kid, there was no greater sound than the dun-a-duh, dun-a-duh sound right before the start of sportscenter and knowing I was going to get to see the highlights from all the days sports action brought to me by Keith Olberman and Dan Patrick, fuck yeah. Since at the time most sports weren't televised and covered as well as they are now, this was pretty much the only outlet to get your total sports coverage. From the top 10 plays, to the rundown of all the latest major trades and free-agent signings. They had everything you wanted to know about every major sport, they reported it and that was it. They didn't go as in-depth as they do now because they only had one sportscenter a night. Give me the news then go to a live sportscast. Not 15 hours of Poker a night with Phil Helmuth taunting me to annihilate my T.V. with my 9 iron. God I hate that fucking guy.



Now there's 75 fucking ESPN channels. They have an entire ESPNews channel and still run Sportscenter 50 fucking times every morning. Why would I change the channel from ESPNews in the morning to Sportscenter. So I can see John Clayton's stupid bubble head repeating what he just told me 2 minutes ago on another channel. I get it, not everybody has ESPNews, but that still doesn't mean you need to run Sportscenter over and over again. Replay whatever you telecast last night in the morning at least it's sports, and not Mark Schlereth and Jesse Palmer jerking each other off in a roundtable discussion about fucking nothing I give a shit about.

The thing that pisses me off the most though, is the way they shove the Red Sox, Yankees, Mets, Patriots, and any other team within 300 miles of Bristol down my fucking throat. It wouldn't be so bad if these teams didn't have the worst fucking moron fans on the face of the earth. There is nothing worse than listening to a fucking Yankee fan drone on about how everybody hates their team and they fucking love it because, "Everybody's gonna be kissing our ass when we win the series". If that does happen I'm moving to fucking Canada.

I know there are people out there who eat, sleep, and drink sports but even those guys are sick of you're shit. I can't even root for a team anymore without hating half of the roster because you morons won't stop talking about their arrest a year ago for drunk in public or D.U.I, or whatever stupid shit the guy has done. Guess what, I don't care what these fucking morons do when they are not playing sports. Pete Rose is a degenarate gambler, do I give a shit, hell no. He's one of the greatest baseball players ever and he was fun to watch. Do I want to be like him, NO. I want to watch him play fucking baseball and that's it. I don't mean that what these guys are doing off the field doesn't impact teams or isn't news, it is, nor am I saying it's o.k. All I'm saying is report it like it's news and move on, don't cut to Skip Bayless(getting his own post because I don't have enough time to get into this idiot right now) and Stephen A. Smith arguing over what this means to the sports world that some super rich athlete went out, got drunk, and did something stupid. If these guys are getting out of hand and acting irresponsibly they are going to get suspended and fined and possibly kicked out of their respective league, and there is also a legal system that deals with them. I don't want it analyzed for 36 hours straight on Sportscenter that Plaxico Burress is the dumbest man alive and shot his own dumbass in the leg. T.O. is a shitty teammate I FUCKING GET IT.

This is all I can muster to type right now. Next Post we will cover why my blood pressure goes up every Football Sunday during NFL Countdown, and what I think of Stuart Scott, Stephen A. Smith, Chris Berman, and Skip Bayless. If I don't destroy my computer typing it.