This Week's Top 10 Shit I Hate.

10. Marilyn Manson-Why do all the good musicians die of drug overdoses.
9. This Show-Seriously, this actually has made it onto T.V. God I fucking hate the E channel.
8. American Idol-Thank god this shit is over, somebody told me it was the lowest rated of the finales. The only reason I give a shit about this information is that hopefully this means they won't put this shit back on T.V. again.
7. Carlos Mencia-So on top of being the least funniest person with their own comedy show, he also has a twitter account. You know that he's about as mexican as The Pope right.
6. Queen Latifah-She was on American Idol this week, combining my two favorite things, fat black lesbians I can't stand and music that makes me wish I was deaf.
5. My Fucking Hair-Still in the middle of the pack but I have a feeling it's taking a turn for the better very soon. Actually, I don't. I just need some glimmer of hope right now so that's what I'm going with.
4. Whiskey-I've stayed away from it for 3 weeks now and my hangovers are extremely grateful and so is my liver. I just hope I don't get sloppy drunk this weekend and accidentally "hook up" with it.
3. Humidity-This will surprise nobody that knows me, but I'm a bit of a sweater and it's getting close to the time of year when it's getting humid out and that makes it 1,000 times more likely that I need two shirts wherever I go.
2. This Guy-If you see this guy, kick his ass. Or buy him a shot of Jack Daniels either one will do.
1. Fred Durst-Some people don't understand why I hate this guy so much, those people also have lives and contribute to society. So whose the real idiot in this scenario.

Last Week's Top 10

Sorry I'm a little late putting this up, I've been busy trying to find a cure for "Swine Flu" and by Swine Flu I mean my hangovers.

10. Tila Tequila-I checked and she is still alive and I am not too happy about this people.

9. Driving-I'm getting really sick of it lately and people on the roads are not helping me with this. Pretty soon I'm going to be carrying a box of nails in the car and randomly just throwing them out the window.

8. The Cold-I have one and it sucks my sleeve is covered in my own mucus and my throat is killing me. We really don't have a cure for this yet, fucking ridiculous.

7. My Golf Game-It has recently taken a nose dive and I really don't have anything to blame it on but myself and I'm not too happy about it. So I'm blaming it on Fred Durst.

6. Daisy of Love-It's bad enough they had a second season of Rock of Love, now they are taking one of the whores from the first show who didn't win and giving her a show. If you are feeling down about your life just watch 5 minutes of the douchebags on there trying to win a "date" with this diseased whore and you will feel like "the most interesting man in the world" from the dos equis commercial.

5. My Fucking Hair-I recently got a new haircut so I'm not as pissed as I have been in the last week's with it so it's hovering in the middle of the pack right now.

4. The Boston Celtics-I'm actually putting them up here because I'm glad their gone and I don't have to see Paul Pierce and his chin pubes on my T.V. anymore, thank god Orlando finally didn't blow a fourth quarter lead.

3. My Beard-Not much improvement here in the last week. I'm thinking maybe a can of spray on hair will fix this patch that won't grow on my face.

2. Cats-I was around some this weekend and I'm allergic to them and I'm convinced this is why I'm getting sick now. I have no actual medical proof to base this on I just have decided that I hate cats and they have now made me sick. Fuck cats. I kick them when people aren't looking.

1. Fred Durst-Limp Bizkit has just finished up their European reunion tour and now they are in the studio to record a new album.(leaves room and finds needle to puncture own eardrums)The only thing that could make me happier now is if Insane Clown Posse release an album at the same time.

This weeks Top 10

10. Tila Tequila-why is this bitch even famous. She looks like a gremlin and somebody needs to kick this bitch in the cunt. Stat.
9. Glenn "Big Baby" Davis-He hits the game winning shot in last nights celtics-magic game meaning more Paul Pierce on my T.V. which is enough of a reason to hate him. But then he has to bowl over some kid in the stands after making the shot and then gives the worst post game interview. He could not have sounded more like a caveman. Fuck this dude.
8. Baseball-See the below post.
7. Minnesota Vikings-There are alot of people out there bitching about my beloved Brett Favre coming back and I blame this squarely on the Vikes. He isn't the one soliciting this, they are coming after him and my favorite sports channel of all time won't stop talking about it and pissing everyone off.
6. Tila Tequila-I really hate this bitch right now and I'm lazy so I'm putting her on here twice. Somebody please smack the shit out of her.
5. My Fucking Hair-It's fallen back to Number 5 this week from Number 2. It's looking a little better this week, and I've decided to try and grow a beard and it's not working out so well so I'm more pissed about that.
4. My Beard-I've always been lacadasical about the shaving and since I currently have no reason too, I've decided to grow a beard for the NHL playoffs even though my team is out, it's as good a reason anyway, but somehow my face is unable to grow hair in a one inch square on my face and it's really fucking this up for me.
3. Whiskey-I've loved you for so long but I've decided to take a little break from you. I mean you almost killed me last week, not to mention you're constantly getting me kicked out of bars and also to blame for all the recent falls that I've had. It's not you it's me. If we're meant to be together we will come back to each other, but for now it's over.
2. Fred Durst-Mister consistency. I can't wait for this talked about new Limp Bizkit album to come out.
1. I'm a Celebrity get me out of here- I saw a commercial for this show last night and there is not a single person on this show who is a celebrity. Heidi and Spencer, Janice Dickinson, Stephen Baldwin, these people are famous for being fucking pathetic. They are dropping these people in the jungle or some shit and have to live there for a month. They should call this "I'm a douchebag and somebody needs to hunt me down in this jungle and shoot me on live T.V. I'd fucking watch that.

This weeks Top 10 things I hate.

I've decide to make this list the Top 10 things I hate, because there's just so much stuff out there I can't stand. There are still plenty of people who need an ass whooping but there are many more things that just piss me the fuck off.

10. The Economy-I tell you what. I wish I could use the economy as an excuse for everything the way the news does. Like if a friend asks me to help them move this weekend. "I would help, but you know with the way the economy is right now I just don't think I'm gonna be able to do it."

9. Perez Hilton-This fucking douche asks a question to some ditzy fucking pageant contestant and then is gonna get upset with her opinion. If I threw a giant hissy fit every time I asked a stupid person a question I would never be able to order food at a restaurant, and I would never be able to go to the South again. Fuck this whiny queen.

8. The Weather-Fuck the weather.

7. David Spade-I was unaware that this monstrously large tool still had his own fucking T.V. show until I saw a commercial for it the other day. The fact that someone out there is watching it is pissing me off to no end right now.

6. H1N1 Virus-Yea I know it's called swine flu. But unless all you morons don't stop calling it that, every country that is dummer than ours is gonna keep banning our pork products and creating more job loss. Just call it "Ikea Flu" or "French Wine Flu" something that fucks somebody else over.

5. Ryan Seacrest-I don't know what to say really, fuck this dude.

4. Fox News-Earlier this week some moron on this channel(Sean Hannity) proclaimed that Kim Kardashian is a role model to young girls in this country. Yea good work Sean, I know every father in the nation wants to see his little girl in a sex tape with her mouth wrapped around some guys giant schlong. Fucking morons.

3. Fred Durst-Slowly making his way to Number one.

2. My fucking Hair-I'm starting to come to grips with the fact that it's falling out and I'm ordering a shitload of propecia and that shit better work, or I'm gonna have to start working out like 12 hours a day. There is no way I can go through life fat and bald. Nothing says hey ladies get it while you can, like an overweight really angry bald guy.

1. Jay Leno-I thought we got rid of this guy and now he's got another show that is the exact same thing as the last one except now it's on an hour and a half earlier. He's not fucking funny NBC, get it through your thick fucking skulls. He never has been and never will be funny. Have you seen Jay Leno's stand up before he was the host of the Tonight Show. I would rather change a old man's shitty diaper with my mouth than watch 5 minutes of Jay Leno stand up, honestly.

This weeks Top 10 people who need a public ass whooping

10. Paul Pierce-I really hope the Bulls can pull off the upset in their series with the Celtics because there is no way I can stand another postseason of seeing this guy on T.V. Shave those fucking chin pubes off asshole you're not in junior high anymore.
9. The stack of money with eyes in the Geico commercial-I'm sick of that commercial.
8. Toby Keith-He is long overdue for an ass whooping. If you love kicking towel head ass so much why don't you sign your hick ass up for the service and go over there yourself fuckhead.
7. The Indian/Pakistani guy on Parks and Recreation-I don't know where he's from but this guy is a horrible fucking actor, and this show needs to be cancelled. Like 2 weeks ago.
6. Everybody on Around the Horn-This is by far the worst thing on ESPN. Actually I forgot they still air reruns of Stump the Schwab, so actually it's the second worst thing on.
5. Fred Durst-Somebody really needs to put a stop to his plan of a summer tour. Right now.
4. The guy who put a rug outside the front steps of Wonder Bar in Cleveland- I may have had one too many at the Cavs game the other night and taken a little tumble after tripping on said rug.
3. Andy Roddick-He recently married Brooklyn Decker officially fucking up my chances of hooking up with her, thanks dickhead.
2. Lou Holtz-This moron thinks that Notre Dame is gonna play for the National Championship this year. You don't deserve to play for a National Championship if you're coach has a FUPA.
1. The Browns Coaching Staff and entire Front Office- There is no doubt in my mind they are gonna make a gigantic mess out of this weekend. I'm currently taking suggestions for another team in the NFL to start rooting for. Except for the fucking Steelers.

This week's Top 10 people who need a random ass whooping

Every Friday I plan on posting the Top 10 people who need their ass publicly whooped and this week these are those fucking people.



10. Bill O'Reilly-This week he complained about Eminem's video with Sarah Palin in it. Bill we all know you've got a giant woody for her, get over it and just fuck Ann Coulter already and spawn the biggest political pundit pile of douche.

9. Fred Durst-Recently my favorite band of all time announced they are re-uniting to do a summer tour. I can only hope that Hinder, Nickelback and Seether are on the ticket too. Man I can't fucking wait. Kill me now.

8. Eric Mangini-I can't wait for another season of watching the Browns being the second biggest joke in the NFL(thank you Cincinnati for signing Tank Johnson).

7. Queen Latifah-I saw her in the crowd rooting for Lil Kim the other day on Dancing with the Stars and it just reminded me of how much I hate this bitch, but I really don't even know why, she still sucks.

6. Kathy Griffin-I mean really, can anybody stand this bitch. Really?

5.Crocs-Tim Tebow wears them, do I need to say anymore.

4.You-You're always driving 60 in the fast lane, buying 50,000 lottery tickets in front of me at the gas station when all I'm getting is some tylenol and Gatorade for my fucking hangover.

3. The next person who forwards me an e-mail that tells me to forward it to 10 other people or I'm gonna be cursed with 10,000 years of bad luck. Look asshole I have shitty luck already I don't need this shit in my fucking inbox everyday reminding me of it. Next person that sends me one of these is getting something in the mail from the Unabomber.

2. American Idol-Do we really need an entire show dedicated to picking the next talentless jerk-off to sing music other people wrote for them. There is enough shitty music being made already, besides this is just an hour of Karaoke every week with 3 now 4 gigantic douchebags critiquing them. Get off your ass people and go do something productive with your day instead of watching this shit.

1. Octomom-This fucking lady is trying to trademark the name Octomom now. This bitch is a bitch. She already had six kids before the octuplets and was on public assistance. If you see this bitch walking down the street, do me a favor and kick her right in the cunt so she can't pop out anymore fucking kids and I don't have to hear about it on EVERY FUCKING NEWS CHANNEL IN EXISTANCE. This bitch is everything that is wrong with society.