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I don't know if this is a sign of just how old and out of touch I am or not, but I motherflippin can't stand Twitter. I mean what in the fuck is the point of this retarded bullshit. If I wanted to know what people were doing, I would call them on the GD phone, not check their Twitter page. Everybody has one and I can't fucking stand it. Normally I buck trends just cause everyone is doing it and I don't want to fall in line even when I think it's cool, but I genuinely hate Twitter with a passion. If it weren't for Fred Durst still being alive Twitter would be No.1 on my shit list.

Here's what my Twitter page would say right now if I was so much of a socially inept tool that I couldn't interact with people on a face to face basis or on the phone so I have to do it with constantly updating a 140 character type space on a web page. "Chris is currently hanging from a tree because his life is so far in the crapper that he has created a twitter page to update you of his current status."

Here's a little sample from the Twitter website on the benefits of Why I should have a Twitter page.

Why? Because even basic updates are meaningful to family members, friends, or colleagues—especially when they’re timely.

Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
Partying? Your friends may want to join you.

Let me just start at the top here.

If you update your Twitter page for the sole purpose of letting your mom know what your up to, you can just yell at her upstairs cause you are obviously in your 30's living in her basement. Log off World of Warcraft and go outside and talk to a human not attached to a headpiece.

If I'm your boss and you have time to update everybody via your Twitter page that you are going to be late to a meeting, your also gonna be updating your resume.

This last one kills me the most. If I'm out "Partying" everybody I would want to join me, would have received a phone call, from me, telling them where I'm going to be making an ass out of myself that night. If you ask me this is just a way for that loser at the office that everyone tells you not to invite out to find out where everyone is gonna be and just show up there. "Hey who's the dipshit that invited Wendell to Bennigan's for happy hour". "Bob posted it on his Twitter page before he left work so his mom knew why he was gonna be getting home later than normal". Now see the kind of problems this can cause.

The thing that annoys me the most about Twitter, is the frequency with which I have to hear every socially out of touch moron on CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, and every other talking head on T.V. talk about it like it's an actual news source. "Angelina Jolie stated this morning on her Twitter page". Like it's the fucking bible or something, oh' her Twitter page said it so it must be true. My only hope is that Twitter can be used as evidence admissable in court, if so I'm creating one right now. "Chris is sitting at home right now watching The Daily Show at 11:15 and will be there the rest of the night, so there is no way that he could have beaten the creator of Twitter with a baseball bat at 11:15.

Another thing, do me a favor. If someone asks you today if you tweet, punch them square in the face.